Trust

I don’t trust other people. And I don’t think I have trust issues. I’m not jaded or wounded or keeping myself safe with some defense. I just don’t think I can, I don’t think I’m supposed to, and I don’t believe in it.

I remember a summer day a few years ago when my ex-husband (my “Wusband”, to borrow a friend’s term- Don’t ya love it?!) was at his high school reunion… without me. He had said that no one really was bringing spouses. I was decidedly gently uninvited. Ok, weird… whatever. But the day he left I went to an arts and crafts show where my friend Lori had a booth. She actually wrote a blogpost about this same day a while back. Funny, it was a momentus day for both of us. Maybe the planets were aligning in such a way to kick our asses that day – “Let’s go, Girls! Get with the program! What the hell are you doing here?!” Anyway, I had a funny vibrating sensation in my stomach, or my abdomen – my general midsection. It was a nervousness, a buzzing. I told Lori about it, and said, “I just feel like something is happening right now. I don’t know what it is yet, but I feel this, and it’s not right.” It wasn’t until a month or so of more suspicious behavior later, that I got a hold of his phone and, with the help of another friend who was a pro-snooper with a cheating boyfriend, found all the calls he had been making late at night to his high school girlfriend. Yatta, yatta, yatta… Wusband.

People do crazy things. People change their minds. To expect others to behave the way we want them to always and forever is insane. To expect nothing will change is silly. And to not accept reality is silly too. I was married to an active alcoholic. They lie. And as a bonus he was a police detective – a professional liar! I’m not saying this to be insulting at all. It’s just a fact that addicts lie. And as a detective he uses lies to get people to confess, to out the truth, to hand over someone else. He’s one of the best. So, what was I expecting? Complete honesty and openness from an alcoholic detective? Duh.

A friend of mine called recently upset with her young teenager who was caught doing something bad, and lied about it. He stuck to his lie, though. It was pretty transparent but he was stickin to it. She said, ” Now I can’t trust him!” I said, “Teenagers lie. Why would you trust him? Didn’t you lie when you were a teenager?” They’re right up there with addicts, detectives and politicians. Of course none of them are always lying. And everyone else isn’t always truthful.

My point is… I trust myself. And I trust that which I call God. I trust my intuition –  that feeling in my abdomen, the thoughts that pop into my head, the things I FEEEEEL are true. It’s like God communicating with me. Or maybe she’ll tell me something I need to know another way – through someone else, or something I read or catch on TV. I went on to say that to my friend with the teenager. She said, “I say that to my clients all the time… You just have to trust yourself and what you know is true. I didn’t think to apply that to my kid.” And she’s a psychic! She doesn’t like that word, but in layman’s terms that what she is – and a medium. She has a hotline to God!

I know that I am safe. I trust that all I need to know is revealed to me. It doesn’t matter then what others do or don’t do, what they’re going through, or what happens. I trust that I’ll be fine. I can handle change. I believe you can too.

 
 
 
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