Loving Perspectives

2 Things to do to go from Single to Coupled


The other night I had a dream about a friend and former student/client of mine who has been single for more than 10 years since a divorce. She has wanted someone to share life with as long as I have known her. In my dream she had a new boyfriend who looked like Tom Cruise and she was blissfully happy. I messaged her in the morning and told her of my dream. We hadn’t talked in a while so little did I know, she’s in love! She’s been seeing a wonderful man for over 2 months, who she told me doesn’t look like Tom Cruise – “He’s cuter!”

I asked her if she had advice for anyone wishing for a partner as she had been. She said I could share her answer, as I had been planning to write a blog post on this very thing. She said:

“I guess I finally just did what you’ve been telling me: envisioning happiness and believing it. (A friend) got me an Abraham Hicks daily calendar as a present after I ran my marathon and I just started reading it everyday and believing in what they were telling me. I got myself ready for my man: I lost weight, I remodeled my house, I got rid of clutter. Finding him happened when I least expected it and I didn’t even realize I was in love with him until about a month later. I’d tell people to be ready because if you finally allow yourself to believe it WILL happen, then it WILL do just that and in an amazing way. My man is even more incredible than I ever could have imagined. I’m so happy!”

So, did she manifest a great relationship? I don’t know. I do know that she readied herself, did her emotional and spiritual work, and created her own happiness. And that is a good time and place to meet someone – and someone great! Sure, relationships can come along when we haven’t worked on selves, aren’t feeling whole and happy, and still have some inner letting go and outer organizing to do. But watch out! The person we attract and are attracted to may reflect our present state. Life is kind like that. It often holds up a mirror so we can see how we are doing and where we need to grow and change. (And yes, two people can grow together if they are conscious enough.)

I joke that I was single for 5 minutes between husbands. Really, there were three months when I lived by myself and didn’t have a boyfriend. Then I met a nice guy (online), who I married two years later. And he is wonderful. When I reflect back on how, why, what happened, and after talking to my newly-paired-up friend recently, I think there are two important tasks we can undertake to wind up in a happy, healthy, loving relationship. So I’ll tell you what they are… but first please know that whether it’s been 5 minutes or 10 years that you’ve been wishing for a loving partner, you are wholly deserving and worthy of love always.


This one may have an a.) and b.) because we need to clear out the old and also be clear about what we want. Clearing out the old can include therapy, EFT or other energy psych. techniques, forgiving, letter writing… whatever helps us be fee of the past traumas and the negative talk tape playing in our minds on a loop. This opens us up to be able to believe that a loving relationship is safe, that we are good enough for one, and brings us to a loving place towards ourselves. Remember that’s where you want to meet him or her! Not on the corner of I Hate Myself and Please Treat Me Like The Crap That I Feel Like.

Being clear about what we want can then commence. I think that the reason I was single for only 3 months is that I had become crystal clear during the last year of my first marriage about what kind of relationship I wanted to be in. I wanted an intimate relationship. I also wanted it with my husband, but eventually I let go of that detail and just kept “I want an intimate relationship.” I decided that it was not possible in that marriage and left to be open to it.

I further crystallized my vision and my actions. I acted and spoke in coherence with that desire of wanting to be in an intimate, loving relationship. That’s why I was online dating – not because I thought I would meet someone that way – because it was in line with what I was saying I wanted.

Do fun things that are aligned with your desire for a partner. Put yourself out there in a way that feels good for you to do. Silently bless sweet couples that you see. Appreciate love in all of its forms. Drop cynicism, sarcasm and snide remarks about love. Love love.

2. PRAY.

One reason that I’m saying this is necessary is because my deceased grandfather took partial credit for bringing my husband to me. (You can read about that here.) There is a team of angels at the ready just waiting for the go ahead to come to your aid! Ask them for help.

Or pray some other way. A vision board is a prayer. I had one of those about the relationship I wanted also. It’s a prayer and enhances clarity! Or meditate, visualize, have a mantra or an affirmation that replaces the old tape that used to run in your brain.

“You can worry or you can pray, you can’t do both,” I heard in Al-Anon. You pray and you let it go. God/the angels/the Universe/Your Higher Power is on it.

Then you can go about your life,

be happy,

seek growth

and joy

and meaningful experiences.

Just think, the longer you wait, the more you’ll have to talk about when your beloved arrives.


I wish you love,
P.S .- If you like this post and think it may be helpful for a single you know, please spread the love! Pass it on or post it on social media. Thanks.
P.P.S.- My next post is for us couples. Already in a relationship but want it to be more awesome? Stay tuned…

4 thoughts on “2 Things to do to go from Single to Coupled”

  1. I know her, and this good news makes me shed tears of joy for her. That man is SO lucky to have found her. I hope she reads this. Her story, and my story, is proof that you have to be open to things when they arrive in the most unexpected packages at the most unexpected times.

    Do you recall that I was looking, easily for ten years, and you gave me advice and told me that I needed to sit down and make a list of all of the attributes that I was seeking? In detail. Prioritized. What was a deal breaker, and what wasn’t. And so I finally followed your homework assignment (you knew me well enough to know that as a Virgo, I respond well to tasks, intellectual activity, and lists, LOL), and a few months later, I was dating the man who ended up my husband. And he fits the list to a T.

    You’ve done us all a lifetime of good, my dear friend.

    (And for your readers…. shameless plug: the ceremony you performed for our wedding was tailored perfectly for our blended-family, blended-faith-and-lack-thereof union. I couldn’t have imagined it any other way, done by anyone other than you.)

    1. Yes, he is lucky! And she read this. 🙂 Then we both realized why he was Tom Cruise in my dream – his name is TOM.
      Yes, I remember The List!
      Thanks for the sweet comment. <3 U.

  2. I am thankful for the day I met you! You’ve always been such a kind soul and so inspirational for me. Loved this looking for love post!
    Love YOU!

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