Confession: I can get really pissed, really fast.
Second confession: I was not in touch with anger for a long time. I was a “That’s Ok” kind of girl.
I found my connection to anger in Al-Anon, and on the yoga mat, and from working with Henry on past traumas. I was still in that process apparently when I left my first husband and was not angry at him. A reading from my very psychic best friend, Melanie May, pointed to some potential feelings that I was not allowing to surface. She told me, “You’re mad… about 3 things.” Huh. Ok.
I referred myself to myself-the-art-therapist and got out the pastels. A volcano, I thought – a good anger symbol. I started out somewhat reserved but by the end there was lava and flames and carnage. My wusband was buried under the rubble. Words started to flow that I wrote all over the top of the drawing – expletives and How dare you’s and transgressions spelled out. Eventually I tore the whole thing into small shreds and threw it out, relieved.
So, yes, now I get mad. Maybe it’s my dosha (Pitta) or my sign (Taurus), but regardless, it’s part of my personality and my work. It reminds me to look at my thoughts and judgments about what is happening. It requires me to consider taking action at times. It shows me that allowing feelings lets them move and change and keeps me in the flow of my life.
If you’re stuck in a feeling, or a feeling is stuck in you, that’s where you will be… Stuck.
We each have a go-to out of balance state. Do you know yours? Is it angry (or irritated – same thing)? Depressed or sad? Worried/anxious? I tell my students to watch themselves on the yoga mat. How they react to a long hold of a challenging pose is that go-to reaction. It’s that feeling that wants to point you back to your true self.
Do you allow it and listen to it? Try. It wants you to look at your thought patterns and take responsibility for judgements that are disturbing your serenity again and again. You can let them go. You can laugh at them. You may want to work through them and their origins with a therapist or coach… or me.
So, ironically, “That’s Ok” that I get pissed… it’s a way back to Peace.